If I don’t write this post now, I never will. I’ll get too
caught up in other social media and waste my time away. So, I’m writing now,
while the thoughts are hot.
I’m no luddite. I embrace technology. I’m on a lot of
different social media platforms, Youtube is almost constantly streaming at my
home (for obscure music, if nothing else), I have this here blog (duh), I host
a podcast etc. And though I’m about to hit the half-century mark, I don’t
consider myself “old,” not by any stretch of the imagination. I finally
admitted I was middle aged when I turned 48 (reason: Grandma died at 96, and
that’s one of my uncontrollable goals). In my church volunteer work, I spend
many hours, every week, working with and alongside singles aged 18-30. Even years
after back surgery, I *feel* young. No, not ride-my-bike-to-strange-unexplored-places-for-an-entire-day
young, but still, young. I keep telling my kids that I’m still 16 in my head;
17 on a particularly mature day.
But I know, especially after burying both of my parents this
past spring, that I don’t have all the time in the world. I love my parents,
but they were hardcore television addicts. They did other things, of course,
but as far as I can remember there was rarely ever a time when the TV wasn’t on
in our house. Even as an adult, when I would call or visit, the TV was always
blaring in the background. I wondered, as my father was dying, if he regretted
so much time spent in front of the TV. He couldn’t communicate at that point,
yet I wondered. I don’t watch much TV at all. Haven’t since I moved out of the
house decades ago. I don’t know much about actors and TV shows – a little here
and there from shows that I’ve watched, but nowhere near as much as almost
everyone I interact with. I just don’t want to waste my time and brain space on
that much TV. Again: Life is too short. Way too short. That has been hammered
home to me in a big way this past year. Hammered right down into my heart with a sharp spike of grief. Twice.
And yet, I will get roped into surfing the internet and, in
particular, social media, quite regularly. I probably waste nearly as much time
on that as my parents did on TV. Not quite, but close.
A month or so ago, Google announced that it would no longer
be supporting Google Plus outside of business use. I was big into G+, since the
roleplaying game community there is a Big Deal. Artists use Instagram, authors and
actors use twitter, bored housewives use facebook, and gamers use G+. And now,
G+ is going to go the way of all flesh.
So, there was a mass scramble for “where to go” in the
gaming community. Many of us ended up, for a number of reasons, on MeWe. It seems
to be a happy medium between FB and G+, with some of the features of both and,
of course, missing stuff from both. But it seems adequate to the task. And I
don’t want to lose contact with my many gamer friends. At least not most of
them.
In the process of all this, author Michael Curtis (known for
his work for Goodman Games, primarily) wrote a post about something he had been
thinking about for a long time, a physical newsletter, in which people would
mail him (yes, with physical mail, not Email) a note and an SASE (that’s
Self-addressed Stamped Envelope for those who don’t know) and he would, in
return, send the newsletter and, if you wished, include your name and physical
address in the newsletter as one who would desire to be contacted by others.
Michael also pointed out the very interesting RPG “DeProfundis,” which is based on, you guessed it, letter writing. I've just purchased it, in fact, after reading Michael's writeup about it in his newsletter. While they recommend
writing in the medium that is “of the era” (so Email and texts for modern
games, letters for older games), I would think letters all the time might be
very cool, if it was limited to a small number of people who you are profoundly
connected with in terms of gaming. I can think of a handful of people like that
very easily! Back when I first started gaming, if you didn’t game face to face,
you either did “play by mail” or you didn’t game at all! I’d LOVE to see “play
by mail” resurrected. Seriously, handwriting the story that you exchange with
each other, anticipating that letter arriving in the mail, opening it to
discover what creative additions your other players have included – now THAT is
exciting stuff!
As a teenager, in the days before Email, we used to (gasp!)
write letters to each other all the time. Real, physical letters that oftentimes
bared our souls to the recipient. You think it’s tough doing long-distance
relationships now? Hah! Hahahahahaha! Anyway, when Email came along, I embraced
it wholeheartedly. It was so much easier (and cheaper) to send an Email than to
send a letter. Then along came social media, making connections with old
friends as simple as a click.
But some things were lost. A lot was lost, in fact. Not a
lot of information. In fact, I have access to far more information than I even
thought existed back then. I can easily and conveniently look up information on
any number of subjects, so long as I’m willing to winnow through the chaff of
misinformation that exists on the internet now. Books that I had thought would
be lost forever are easily found scanned into electronic nooks and crannies
everywhere. The encyclopedias of my youth are entirely worthless at this point.
Almost all he music in the world is at the tip of my fingers. I can look up and
contact many old friends at will, or for a small fee.
The ubiquity of information is, overall, a good thing, if
one is wise. Lost, though, is a lot of the heart and soul, the human-ness that
went into establishing and maintaining connections and in creating new
information and art to add to that which already exists. We have been digitized
and de-humanized, to some extent. Futurist will argue that this is the next
step in evolution, but when the tool becomes the user and the user becomes the
tool (I’m looking straight at you, Facebook), are we evolving or are we
surrendering growth to and becoming subjected to those who are wielding the
tools, that is, wielding us. Your information online is not your own. You are
fooling yourself if you don’t think you’re being fed information and influenced
every time you start up a web-browser.
Again, though, I’m not a luddite. I’m not here to convince
you that you should give up technology. I love it.
Still, something has been lost. And I feel it. I feel it in
my soul. Just before Michael Curtis announced his initiative, I had sent a
couple of snail mail letters out to friends of mine – good friends, close friends
who I initially “met” online, but have since met in person several times.
Friends that I leaned on when my parents died, even. These are not cursory
relationships.
Yet so many of my online relationships are cursory. This is
just a question of statistics – I get it. I’ve got almost 5,000 followers on Twitter.
I can’t follow all of them every day. I’d have no life at all. So I cull my “must
check on” list to 150 people. Still, that’s 150 people, the so-called “Dunbar’snumber” – the number of people that one can realistically maintain stable
social relationships. And that’s just on Twitter. Add in Facebook, Instagram,
and now MeWe (acknowledging that there is some overlap) and it’s still just . .
. too . . . much.
When I sent those letters and when I received Michael’s
little newsletter, I felt CONNECTED. And that’s what I long for, feeling
really, truly connected in meaningful ways to interesting people whom I love. I
also want to feel connected with myself! So often, I lose myself in social
media, and I mean that in all the worst ways. I lose time, I lose focus on my existential
being here and now, I get distracted from those with whom I want to build the
strongest relationships, and I don’t take the critical, soul-feeding time I
need to be creative and let my mind wander and expand on its own, away from the
noise of social media.
In time, I’m going to probably abandon Facebook. I need to
be on there now, because of the church responsibilities I mentioned above. But
I will only be in my current position for two more years, after which I plan on
really ramping down on FB usage and maybe just leaving it altogether. As it is,
I really only go on to wish someone happy birthday or to see pictures of my
grandson that my daughter has posted. Even then, though, the distraction, the
hook, is waiting there, just off to the side, to drag me down into a fugue of
wasted time and empty conversations, away from my creative energies, away from
my analog self.
Twitter seems to be about my speed, and I don't see myself leaving it for a while. But I am careful to cull
those who I follow, but who don’t follow me, unless I feel really compelled to
do so. There are certain artists and thinkers and book publishers who I will follow that will never
follow me (Nick Cave, Useke Ueno, I’m looking at you two), and I’m fine with
that. But by and large, I am purging Twitter of those who just want to
advertise to me or who don’t provide me something meaningful to me.
MeWe is a work in progress. I’m connected to far fewer
people than I was on G+, and this is a bit of a disappointment, because gamers
are my crew, so to speak. But I’m okay with thinning the herd a bit, too. That
let’s me concentrate on those who fill my heart, head, and soul.
Instagram is a clean interface, but I've gone into it really limiting who I follow, for reasons that should be apparent by now, if not by the end of this post.
Pinterest is a great place for collecting images. But definitely not a good social media platform. I consider it more of an idea dumping ground than anything.
Tumblr I hardly use specifically because it is way too easy to become enwrapped there. I pretty much just don't go there anymore, and I'm happier and more fulfilled for it.
For a time, I was really, really into Goodreads as my preferred method of social media. I don't quite know why I got away from that. How cool is it to be able to connect with people about books. You'll always have something to talk about there, and I've developed some great, real life relationships via Goodreads. Goodreads stays! In fact, if I were to cut down my social media list dramatically, Goodreads would be the last thing to go.
I'm hoping that clearing a bit more space in my analog life by cutting out some virtual life will also free me up to do what I love most: writing and gaming and reading and hiking and learning to play that darned guitar, as well as spending time with my wife, kids, and grandson, as well as those friends who are in proximity (or travelling to bring me in proximity with those friends). I need to interact directly with the world. And the internet is not the world. It's a mask. I'm ready to begin clawing off the mask.
What lies ahead? I’m not sure. Changes, definitely. But not all at once. Consider this post a declaration of intent and a beginning. I’m not
abandoning the internet, no, far, far from it. I’ve developed many real and
lasting friendships there. But the internet is a starting point for me, now.
Not an end in and of itself. It’s a place to test the waters, but not a place
to dive to the bottom. I want to see who is out there and what they have to
offer, but you’ll find me concentrating on far fewer people, far more deeply
than before. If you feel like maybe I’ve been inattentive to you online, maybe
it’s time for you to reach out a bit, too, huh? Leave me a message here with
your Email address, for starts. Then let’s exchange snail mail addresses. Of
course, I won’t be able to take up correspondences with everyone, but we might
just strike it rich and be rewarded with getting to know each other better than
the virtual masks we both wear online. I’ll start. Here’s my snail mail (which
I will keep up until some doofus does something stupid, but I’m willing to take
that chance), coded to screw with bots:
9_3_0_ E_i_s_e_n_h_o_w_e_r_ A_v_e_
J_a_n_e_s_v_i_l_l_e_, W_I_ 5_3_5_4_5
U^S^A
Send me a letter. Or a postcard. Or knickknacks. Whatever
you like (so long as it’s legal and not obscene, please). I’ll get something
back in the mail to you until I can’t afford the time or postage anymore.
And, of course, feel free to ping me at all the usual social
media. Just remember that you’re up against thousands of other people and all
their potential distractions. Your chances of getting my attention are
infinitely larger via snail mail. Now, I’m off to send another SASE to Michael!
__________
If you like my writing and want to help out, ko-fi me at https://ko-fi.com/forrestaguirre. Every little bit is seen and appreciated! Thank you!
Great entry, Forrest. Also, sorry to hear about your parents. I have avoided social media for the most part except for G+ and now I don't know where to go. It honestly might be nowhere. Then again, I just heard about this website called My Space . . . .
ReplyDeleteThank you, on all accounts. My Space . . . hmm. that might just be a hit!
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