Downsize, Upscale?

 My oldest son is a Spartan. He does very much with very little. I've often said that if I were to have to survive an apocalypse, I'd want him by my side. He's incredibly resourceful, loves to learn new things, and is excellent at figuring out how things work. All of my kids share that trait to one extent or another, but my oldest son . . . well, he's a Spartan in all the good ways.

When he was young, we were a resource-poor family. I was an undergrad when he was born, but when he was a toddler and young child, I was either in graduate school or had just dropped out. We didn't have much at all. I recall one month where, for several weeks, we subsisted mostly on beans and rice, because that's what we had. I'm guessing that those formative years of "want" were what spurred him to make do. 

Now I'm older and more financially secure. We live comfortably in the middle class, pretty much right in the middle, if I understand American salaries correctly. We have what we need and a good amount of what we want. Well, maybe not a "good" amount. Sometimes, when I'm not struggling with having been brought up in the '70s and '80s, when conspicuous consumption became a reachable norm for the middle class, I think I have just a little too much. But just a little.

I think back to times when I had less. And, without growing sentimental or nostalgic, I think I can say that I was only slightly less content than I am now. Any discontent back then really arose from not having enough to meet all of my family's needs, having to go into debt to survive - you know. You know. If you've never been there, well, don't say so because I have a hard time respecting people who haven't gone through hard times, whether financially, emotionally, or with health issues. I like fighters who've had to fight.

But I look around me and I think that maybe I've become a bit too spoiled. 

For example: Books. As you can tell, I review a lot of books. And I own physical copies of almost all the books I own. I think I've actually reviewed a digital book maybe three times? The other book reviews here (and there are a few) were all from physical books - probably 90% owned by me (the other 10% would be library books I borrowed). Now, I have a wishlist of books. But it's only 20 books long at any given time. I use Goodreads to maintain my list. But I do not allow myself more than 20 books on my "to be read" shelf. Otherwise, I just have a long list of books I'm never actually going to read. Besides, forcing myself to only have 20 on the list makes me REALLY think about what I want to read. 

And yet, I think I have more than I need. 

I've promised myself to re-read some of those books. And I have a nascent plan to read some of them in close proximity to each other to see what that does to my brain and my creativity. For example, I want to re-read Robert Graves The White Goddess at the same time I re-read Hamlet's Mill (which I have not reviewed here yet). These books are thematically similar-ish, but far enough apart to cause some fruitful cognitive dissonance, to trick the brain into seeing new patterns and angles heretofore unforeseen, in this case involving themes of myth and myth-creation.

Other groups of books I plan on re-reading together:

Piranesi + The City of Dreaming Books (I haven't reviewed the latter, but I feel that the tone in both of these books is very similar, at least in the corners of my memory they are - we shall see)

Lost Knowledge of the Imagination + The Secret Life of Puppets + Hieroglyphics + The Spectacle of the Void (I almost think this could be a bibliography for an undergraduate college class on . . . what, exactly?)

Swann's Way + Finnegan's Wake (neither of which I have read in full. This pairing might kill me.)

etc.

You get the idea . . . 

In order to keep my focus, I'm going to have to resist the temptation to buy new books. And I still plan on keeping my "to be read list" down to 20 books and no more. 

So my tentative plan is this: I will read the books I physically have and not order new books. When i have read through all the books I physically have now, I will concentrate on re-reading books in the combinations I've listed above and a few others. I think I might try this (deep breath) for . . . a year? I honestly don't know if I can make it. But I have to try.

Extending this further, I will try to forbear from buying (even deeper breath) new roleplaying supplements or games. And new vinyl records.

Do I just hate myself? Maybe. But I also think that if I hold off on those things and use what I already have, a few things will (hopefully) happen.

1. I will learn to more fully appreciate what I already have.

2. I will utilize what I have in new ways, especially as I "use" the media vis-a-vis each other to explore new brain spaces.

3. I will be forced to create more. If I want something new to read, I'll need to write it myself. If I want a new game or adventure to play, I'll need to make it myself. If I want new music - well, that one's easier because of bandcamp and youtube, but really, I'm hoping to force myself to pick up that darned guitar and play it more often.

4. I will save my monthly allowance that I would normally spend on books, games, and vinyl and save up to buy myself some things I've promised myself I would get but never have: a working old timey typewriter, for instance. Or a *decent* phonograph (do they even call them that anymore?) and speakers, along with some wishlist vinyl. 

5. As part of this effort, I will sell some or give away the books I feel I don't really need anymore. And I've got some knicknacks and gewgaws that I thought were a great idea at the time that I can sell on Ebay and maybe save even more for a final splurge at the end of this exercise.

It's going to be my turn to be the Spartan. We'll see how I fare.

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